Augustine Six Pack

AUGUSTINE’S CONFESSIONS, READING 6

BOOK FIVE

A year of decision. Faustus comes to Carthage and Augustine is disenchanted in his hope for solid demonstration of the truth of Manichean doctrine. He decides to flee from his known troubles at Carthage to troubles yet unknown at Rome. His experiences at Rome prove disappointing and he applies for a teaching post at Milan. Here he meets Ambrose, who confronts him as an impressive witness for Catholic Christianity and opens out the possibilities of the allegorical interpretation of Scripture. Augustine decides to become a Christian catechumen.

CHAPTER III

3. Let me now lay bare in the sight of God the twenty-ninth year of my age. There had just come to Carthage a certain bishop of the Manicheans, Faustus by name, a great snare of the devil; and many were entangled by him through the charm of his eloquence. Now, even though I found this eloquence admirable, I was beginning to distinguish the charm of words from the truth of things, which I was eager to learn. Nor did I consider the dish as much as I did the kind of meat that their famous Faustus served up to me in it. His fame had run before him, as one very skilled in an honorable learning and pre-eminently skilled in the liberal arts. And as I had already read and stored up in memory many of the injunctions of the philosophers, I began to compare some of their doctrines with the tedious fables of the Manicheans; and it struck me that the probability was on the side of the philosophers, whose power reached far enough to enable them to form a fair judgment of the world, even though they had not discovered the sovereign Lord of it all. For you are great, O Lord, and you have respect unto the lowly, but the proud you know afar off. You draw near to none but the contrite in heart, and canst not be found by the proud, even if in their inquisitive skill they may number the stars and the sands, and map out the constellations, and trace the courses of the planets.

I have to admit that I am convicted by the phrase "you draw near to none but the contrite in heart, and canst not be found by the proud". I am guilty of falling into this category at times, allowing my pride to get the best of me. It is difficult, because pride has a tendency to get in the way of a lot of relationships, specifically, with God, family, friends, coworkers, even the oppressed and needy. It is my hope that being only 24 and aware of the dangers of my pride, that I may be able to (with the good Lord's help) stop that pride in its tracks, and maintain a respectful relationship as one of the lowly followers of God.

My Rule of Life

Yesterday, one of my five term projects was due. These five projects are the type that are designed to be worked on for the entire course, with one due every week for the last five weeks of the course. This first project... did not get started until yesterday afternoon, with a deadline of midnight. Needless to say I got it done, and I hope that I get a decent grade on it.

The project was designed for me to write a personal rule of life, a way of living in a committed relationship with Jesus Christ in the modern world. It was designed to include five different elements of living. I decided that all of my rules would be built around the concept of fidelity, or loyalty. Loyalty is a very sought and honorable trait, and I thought it fitting that my rule of life would fit around that idea. Here is my first rule of life, quoted from my paper:

"Fidelity to the Triune God

Scripture Reference: Mark 12:29-31: The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."

This element is listed first because it is the most important in my rule of life. Fidelity to God is crucial to living an authentic life of devotion to God. Fidelity to God means putting God at the top of our list of priorities, and growing in an active and loving relationship with him. The best example of fidelity to God comes from a saying I heard from my Wife: When you don’t take time out of your day to grow in relationship with God, any insignificant, miniscule, unimportant thing you did in that day will be deemed as a higher priority than God. Fidelity to God is found in quality relationship building, by reading his word, doing his will, communicating thoughts and feelings in prayer, and praising and worshiping his name. One who does these things with humility and joy is living a life of Fidelity to God."

As I read this over again, I am drawn back again to the theme of putting God at the top of our list for priorities. This challenges me, because to put God at the top of the list means to think and see with the eyes of God, to feel the heart of God breaking in compassion for people, to be the hands and feet of God, to be the one to say "Here am I Lord, send me!" It is my hope that I can commit and maintain fidelity to my Lord.

Augustine strikes back, part five

AUGUSTINE’S CONFESSIONS, READING 5

BOOK FOUR

This is the story of his years among the Manicheans. It includes the account of his teaching at Tagaste, his taking a mistress, the attractions of astrology, the poignant loss of a friend that leads to a searching analysis of grief and transience. He reports on his first book, De pulchro et apto, and his introduction to Aristotle’s Categories and other books of philosophy and theology, which he mastered with great ease and little profit.

CHAPTER I

1. During this period of nine years, from my nineteenth year to my twenty-eighth, I went astray and led others astray. I was deceived and deceived others, in varied lustful projects—sometimes publicly, by the teaching of what men and women style “the liberal arts”; sometimes secretly, under the false guise of religion. In the one, I was proud of myself; in the other, superstitious; in all, vain! In my public life I was striving after the emptiness of popular fame, going so far as to seek theatrical applause, entering poetic contests, striving for the straw garlands and the vanity of theatricals and intemperate desires. In my private life I was seeking to be purged from these corruptions of ours by carrying food to those who were called “elect” and “holy,” which, in the laboratory of their stomachs, they should make into angels and gods for us, and by them we might be set free. These projects I followed out and practiced with my friends, who were both deceived with me and by me. Let the proud laugh at me, and those who have not yet been savingly cast down and stricken by you, O my God. Nevertheless, I would confess to you my shame to your glory. Bear with me, I beseech you, and give me the grace to retrace in my present memory the devious ways of my past errors and thus be able to “offer to you the sacrifice of thanksgiving.” For what am I to myself without you but a guide to my own downfall? Or what am I, even at the best, but one suckled on your milk and feeding on you, O Food that never perishes? What indeed is any man, seeing that he is but a man? Therefore, let the strong and the mighty laugh at us, but let us who are “poor and needy” confess to you.

I like Augustine's use of the phrase "by the teaching of what women and men style the liberal arts". Out of all of the college classes I have taken, the courses that are associated with the Liberal Arts have been the ones that have tried to provoke and challenge my beliefs. The liberal artists seem to be the "wise", the "thinkers" of our time. I have to remind myself that the wisdom of the most wise people does not match up to the mere foolishnesses of our good Lord Jesus Christ. In my experience in college, the liberal artists, the wise, the philosophers, entered into a period of transcendence, ending up not really believing much of anything. That is why I think it is important that our young people who are getting ready to leave their homes and their church homes to go to college have a firm and strong foundation in what they believe, so they can be prepared to defend their faith when any opportunity arises.

The Split between East and West

One of the major readings in my Christian History Class is in regard to the split between the two branches of Christianity that make up what is now today the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church. One of the main things that I find interesting is that something simple as language differences contributed to the separation of the church. In the West, the churches used Latin, while in the East, the churches used Greek. This difference may appear somewhat trivial, but from language culture develops, and from culture, rituals and differences in understanding develop. Ultimately, it would be a political event that would separate the two churches, yet something that appears as minor, like language, contributed in a big way. It brings me back to the power of our words, and the way we use them to communicate with people. Differences in language produce differences in understanding; I have to admit, I am one of the many people who is guilty of trying to convince someone who doesn't understand the English language that if I speak slowly and loudly to them, they will know exactly what I mean. I am also one who is very guilty of saying something to my spouse in plain English, and not meaning it the way it comes out (Again, I apologize for all of those things I said, for there are many). It brings back the point that it is important to use our words wisely, not in a way that cuts people down, but in a way that builds them up.

My main Man Augustine, Part IV

AUGUSTINE’S CONFESSIONS, READING 4

BOOK THREE

The story of his student days in Carthage, his discovery of Cicero’s Hortensius, the enkindling of his philosophical interest, his infatuation with the Manichean heresy, and his mother’s dream whichforetold his eventual return to the true faith and to God.

CHAPTER I

1. I came to Carthage, where a caldron of unholy loves was seething and bubbling all around me. I was not in love as yet, but I was in love with love; and, from a hidden hunger, I hated myself for not feeling more intensely a sense of hunger. I was looking for something to love, for I was in love with loving, and I hated security and a smooth way, free from snares. Within me I had a dearth of that inner food that is yourself, my God—although that dearth caused me no hunger. And I remained without any appetite for incorruptible food—not because I was already filled with it, but because the emptier I became the more I loathed it. Because of this my soul was unhealthy; and, full of sores, it exuded itself forth, itching to be scratched by scraping on the things of the senses. Yet, had these things no soul, they would certainly not inspire our love. To love and to be loved was sweet to me, and all the more when I gained the enjoyment of the body of the person I loved. Thus I polluted the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence and I dimmed its luster with the slime of lust. Yet, foul and unclean as I was, I still craved, in excessive vanity, to be thought elegant and urbane. And I did fall precipitately into the love I was longing for. My God, my mercy, with how much bitterness didst you, out of your infinite goodness, flavor that sweetness for me! For I was not only beloved but also I secretly reached the climax of enjoyment; and yet I was joyfully bound with troublesome tics, so that I could be scourged with the burning iron rods of jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and strife.

I have to admit that I am at a loss of words in how to describe what I just read. It seems that Augustine was looking for love in all the wrong places, and when he finally found the loving kindness of God in Christ Jesus, he was truly changed. His life was no longer empty, but joyful.

I am amazed at the great lengths of detail that Augustine goes about in describing his depravity. He truly seems to be a man who found himself on the bottom of the barrel, yet it was God who delivered him from his depravity. Praise be to the one who brought Augustine, and myself out of that depravity.

The Crusades

I read a little bit of history about the Crusades today. I have to admit, the Crusades intrigue me. I watched the movie "Kingdom of Heaven", which is loosely based on events that happened during the crusades, and the dynamic political situation that developed in that movie got me thinking "How much of this is factual and true?" Needless to say that the movie producers took some liberties to sensationalize the plot, yet the movie very well depicts what was happening, namely a geographical movement for power and land. If you look back at the Crusades, there was just as much infighting among the differing Christian and Muslim factions as there were between Christian and Muslim. A Muslim group would fight a Christian group, then fight a Muslim Group, and vice-versa. It was interesting to me that some would take what was originally a Papal decree, a call to arms, as a way and means to further propagate power through the European feudal system of decreeing land to those considered "worthy" of controlling it. I think that is a major aspect that does not get mentioned; the Crusades had lots of political elements in line with the moral call to arms.

Augustine's Confessions, Part III

Here is another reading from Augustine:

AUGUSTINE’S CONFESSIONS, READING 3

BOOK TWO

He concentrates here on his sixteenth year, a year of idleness, lust, and adolescent mischief. The memory of stealing some pears prompts a deep probing of the motives and aims of sinful acts. “I became to myself a wasteland.”

CHAPTER I

1. I wish now to review in memory my past wickedness and the carnal corruptions of my soul—not because I still love them, but that I may love you, O my God. For love of your love I do this, recalling in the bitterness of self-examination my wicked ways, that you may grow sweet to me, you sweetness without deception! You sweetness happy and assured! Thus you may gather me up out of those fragments in which I was torn to pieces, while I turned away from you, O Unity, and lost myself among “the many.” For as I became a youth, I longed to be satisfied with worldly things, and I dared to grow wild in a succession of various and shadowy loves. My form wasted away, and I became corrupt in your eyes, yet I was still pleasing to my own eyes—and eager to please the eyes of men and women.

CHAPTER IV

9. Theft is punished by your law, O Lord, and by the law written in men and women’s hearts, which not even ingrained wickedness can erase. . . . Yet I had a desire to commit robbery, and did so, compelled to it by neither hunger nor poverty, but through a contempt for well doing and a strong impulse to iniquity. For I pilfered something that I already had in sufficient measure, and of much better quality. I did not desire to enjoy what I stole, but only the theft and the sin itself. There was a pear tree close to our own vineyard, heavily laden with fruit, which was not tempting either for its color or for its flavor. Late one night—having prolonged our games in the streets until then, as our bad habit was—a group of young scoundrels, and I among them, went to shake and rob this tree. We carried off a huge load of pears, not to eat ourselves, but to dump out to the hogs, after barely tasting some of them ourselves. Doing this pleased us all the more because it was forbidden. Such was my heart, O God, such was my heart—which you did pity even in that bottomless pit. Behold, now let my heart confess to you what it was seeking there, when I was being gratuitously wanton, having no inducement to evil but the evil itself. It was foul, and I loved it. I loved my own undoing. I loved my error—not that for which I erred but the error itself. A depraved soul, falling away from security in you to destruction in itself, seeking nothing from the shameful deed but shame itself."

Wow. I think Augustine has summed up one of the major reasons we so quickly and easily fall into sin. It is "I loved my own undoing. I loved my error - not that for which I erred but the error itself". I think that is a great example of why sin is so appealing. It is very enjoyable; there are a lot of things that are bad and hurtful to humanity that make a person feel very, very good. When one is absorbed in his or herself, one seeks only that which avoids pain and brings on pleasure, to use the hedonist viewpoint. The hedonist does that which brings pleasure for the sake of having pleasure, regardless of the moral outcome.

I like Augustine's awareness of what he did, and how far he has come. I love his use of the word "unity" in relationship to God, and finding himself among "the many", stuck in the sin of his life. His story is one of power and victory indeed, that God could redeem such a "depraved soul, falling away from security in you to destruction in itself". This is not uncommon, this is the story of Jesus Christ working in the hearts of humanity. Praise to the great redeemer, who redeems humanity from the pits of destruction.

The Eastern & Western Churches

I have to admit, I am in that middle of the course point where I am struggling to maintain and keep up with the pace. Today being Saturday, I just finished my last assignment... that was due on Sunday, five days ago. Now I can begin on the work that is due on Sunday at Midnight, which conveniently happens to be tomorrow. Did I also mention that I am leaving Sunday afternoon to go to Senior High Summer Camp? I certainly have my work cut out for me if I am going to make this upcoming deadline. It is so easy to get off track in these course, and I am beginning to learn that it still applies in my life overall. It is so easy to get busy with everything else going on in life, that one can quickly lose focus of what is important, and what needs to be taken care of. It is my prayer as I reach the midway point of this course that the good Lord will grant me with the discernment and the strength to better prioritize my time to further execute my responsibilities for this class. With his help, I know I can do it!

Now I can tell you about what I have been studying, specifically, the differences between the Western Catholic and the Eastern Orthodox church, Neither of which can hold snuff to the sweet glory of Nazarene Protestantism :) . All kidding and ribbing aside, it is very interesting to me that the things that really make the Catholic and Orthodox churches different aren't bad. The Catholic church has a set structure and hierarchy, while the Orthodox church is more of a confederation of 16 different churches, some of which are National Churches, while others are part of a Nation. In spite of their differences, they still hold to the truth that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to this earth to save humanity of its sins. These Churches, like Protestantism, have not lost sight of the good news of Jesus Christ, and his ability to grant eternal life to all who choose to believe in him. So I refer back to the poetic wisdom of the Orange County Supertones, that we can sing with one voice, and that we can agree to disagree on certain things, because we all love the same God. Now this goes without saying that their are certain things that are not negotiable, but their are other things that are more flexible. Let us, as the universal Church of Jesus Christ, strive to do what Jesus came to do, Namely, to seek and to save that which was lost.

Augustine's Confessions, Part 2

Here is the second reading on Augustine:

Augustine’s Confessions, Reading 2

CHAPTER V

5. Who shall bring me to rest in you? Who will send you into my heart so to overwhelm it that my sins shall be blotted out and I may embrace you, my only good? What are you to me? Have mercy that I may speak. What am I to you that you should command me to love you, and if I do it not, art angry and threaten vast misery? Is it, then, a trifling sorrow not to love you? It is not so to me. Tell me, by your mercy, O Lord, my God, what you are to me. “Say to my soul, I am your salvation.” So speak that I may hear. Behold, the ears of my heart are before you, O Lord; open them and “say to my soul, I am your salvation.” I will hasten after that voice, and I will lay hold upon you. Hide not your face from me . . .

6. The house of my soul is too narrow for you to come in to me; let it be enlarged by you. It is in ruins; do you restore it. There is much about it that must offend your eyes; I confess and know it. But who will cleanse it? Or, to whom shall I cry but to you? “Cleanse you me from my secret faults,” O Lord, “and keep back your servant from strange sins.” “I believe, and therefore do I speak.” But you, O Lord, you know. Have I not confessed my transgressions unto you, O my God; and hast you not put away the iniquity of my heart? I do not contend in judgment with you, who are truth itself; and I would not deceive myself, lest my iniquity lie even to itself. I do not, therefore, contend in judgment with you, for “if you, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?”

CHAPTER XII

19. But in this time of childhood . . . I had no love of learning, and hated to be driven to it. Yet I was driven to it just the same, and good was done for me, even though I did not do it well, for I would not have learned if I had not been forced to it. For no man does well against his will, even if what he does is a good thing. Neither did they who forced me do well, but the good that was done me came from you, my God. For they did not care about the way in which I would use what they forced me to learn, and took it for granted that it was to satisfy the inordinate desires of a rich beggary and a shameful glory. But you, Lord, by whom the hairs of our head are numbered, did use for my good the error of all who pushed me on to study: . . . And I—though so small a boy yet so great a sinner—was not punished without warrant. Thus by the instrumentality of those who did not do well, you did well for me; and by my own sin you did justly punish me. For it is even as you have ordained: that every inordinate affection brings on its own punishment.

I like Augustine's portrayal of the Soul as a House. He describes the house as being too narrow, and the God is the one who can enlarge it. He describes the house as being in ruins, with God as the mighty architect who can rebuild it. He describes the house as offensive, as something that only God himself can cleanse. I can definitely see his viewpoint there! Sometimes I feel that the soul is truly in ruin, that only through the power of the mighty architect can I get through. Without God, I am nothing, just a speck on this planet for a short time of existence. God, the soul enlarger, the home repairer, the cleanser of all unrighteousness, gives meaning and joy to this life, and excitement for the life to come.